Cheating in Relationships: How to Prevent or Stop It
If we placed 100 people in a room and asked them if they have ever been cheated on, we all know and understand that most would put their hands up. Unfortunately, being cheated on is inevitably something we will go through. With the divorce rate at 50% in first marriages, even higher in second and third marriages, and half of these relationships ending due to cheating, it doesn’t seem like we have much of a chance. If this is something you tend to worry about or feel insecure about in a relationship, then you aren’t alone. However, it also isn’t a doom and gloom road. Just because you have been cheated on before, doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen again. Bringing distrust into a relationship is definitely not giving your partner a chance to show you who they are. So, how can we help prevent or stop cheating? The short answer, communication and emotional intimacy. A lack of communicating and true emotional intimacy are the main reasons why relationships don’t work out. We can even go as far as to say that cheating isn’t really the problem, but cheating can be the result of lack of emotional intimacy. A feeling of being disconnected and unsatisfied. Mentally, emotionally and/or physically. So, as we sit in our relationship today or begin our journey into the next one, we should make sure we are on the right mental path to allow for our next relationship to flourish. But how can we do this?
Communicate Your Feelings and Insecurities
Insecurities are tough to get out of ourselves sometimes. They often sit deep within us and stay there. When we don’t let these feelings be known, they fester and create tension within ourselves and in turn, move outwards into our relationships. A good relationship is based on trust, if you aren’t able to trust your partner with your whatever makes you uncomfortable, then they're never going to know how to react or help you. This may not happen overnight, but once you feel comfortable, go ahead and try to let some of yourself out. And the key is to do this in a non-defensive way. It’s about focusing on sharing your feelings. Not on pointing fingers. Think “I feel” statements, instead of, “You make me feel” type statements.
Get your Partners Wants And Needs
Your partner has their own wants and needs that will be separate to your own. Does that make them less valid? Absolutely not. No two people will be the same or have the same opinions. So stop waiting to change your partner and look at how you can understand your partner’s view. How to see the world through their eyes. Creating a safe space allows for your partner to be open and honest about what they want or need from the relationship. You can even go as far as to make a no judgement rule. This is a great tactic at the beginning of a relationship. And share with your partner about non-defensive listening and non-defensive sharing. Ask them to share how they feel and how they see things in this way. Watch the both of you open up and create a deep, fulfilling emotional connection in ways you never thought possible.
Be each other's number one admirer and best friend
Think about your best friend. Every secret you have shared, every thought, feeling and emotion that you have communicated with them. They listen with no judgement because you both are friends and respect each other. This relationship pattern doesn’t just disappear with someone you are interested in. Becoming friends can be one of the greatest aspects of a healthy relationship as it creates an openness you would feel with others. A good rule of thumb, cultivate friendship with your partner always. To take things up a notch, learn to become each other’s number one admirer. If something is in the way of creating that, like your inner critic or old resentments, work on getting complete with the past and your own inner critic. As you know, heading in to a new relationship carrying the burden of your past will only lead to negative results. The same goes for sitting in a relationship carrying insecurity and fear in the hopes that your partner won’t cheat on you. If anything, work on your emotional intimacy and non-defensive communication with each other. Don’t be afraid to look for outside help if you need. Once you learn how to create deep emotional intimacy, it will be a magnificent experience and understanding that you will never get over. Take the necessary steps to create a relationship of trust, openness, fulfillment and joy. It isn’t impossible, it just takes some work. Some new skills and perspective, which when practiced will transform you and your relationship reality forever.
Go, live a great life.